An Anniversary

By Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI

In telling his faith story, C.S. Lewis shares that at the moment of his conversion, he was “the most reluctant convert in the history of Christianity”, but that he gave himself over to Christ because “God’s compulsion is our liberation”.

That phrase spoke to me recently when, on Sept. 8, I celebrated the 60th anniversary of making my first vows as a Missionary Oblate of Mary Immaculate. I was 18 years old then, far too young by today’s assessment to be making that kind of commitment.

But I wasn’t too young. Intuitively, I knew what I was signing up for. I wasn’t starry-eyed and unaware that taking religious vows is a serious business.

The decision I made to enter religious life with the hope of becoming a priest was the most difficult decision I have ever made in life and wasn’t predicated on a natural attraction to that vocation. The opposite. That was something I didn’t want, but something I felt called to and not morally free to resist. I was a reluctant novice, but there because of God’s compulsion. Here’s the story.

Until one month before I entered novitiate as a novice, I resisted the call, planning instead to go to university to become psychologist. I made the decision to pursue religious life and the priesthood during the summer immediately after my high school graduation. During that summer I worked on a farm and spent long hours alone on a tractor working in fields. During those long hours alone, a tension that I had long suppressed began to build up in me, namely, one between my natural desire regarding my choice in life and a call, a compulsion, inside me that simply would not go away, calling me to the priesthood. Eventually I gave in. I said yes to that call.

So, at the tender age of 17, I made the most difficult (but paradoxically, the clearest, freest, and most life-giving) decision I have ever made. And as I look back on it now, 61 years later, I see it as pure grace. There have been some difficult times, but there have been no regrets. From day one, I knew that this was right for me. All these years later, I have only deep gratitude for the grace to have made that decision and the ocean of grace that has surrounded me throughout these 60 years.

The renowned novelist Morris West published his autobiography sometime after his 70th birthday. It’s a slim little volume entitled A View From the Ridge and begins with these words: When you reach the age of 70 there should only be three phrases left in your vocabulary: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 I’m over70 years of age now and were I to write an autobiography, like Morris West, I would begin with the words: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

And I remember clearly that day of my vows, 60 years ago. My mother and father were there, proud of me. I have a cherished photo of them with me, made even more precious because both of them, still young, died within the next six years. As well, I have 60 years of cherished friendship with some of my fellow novices – a couple of them who were even younger than I was.

And so, in celebrating this anniversary, I want to say thank you.

First, to the Oblates of Mary Immaculate for accepting me and through 60 years providing me with support, good community, friendship, exceptional educational opportunities, and with grace-filled, life-giving ministries. In these 60 years, I estimate that I have lived in community with over 400 different men. That wasn’t always without its tensions, but it was always supportive and life-giving – and full of the kind of healthy banter that breathes oxygen into a room.

As well, a huge thanks to my family, a large amorphous tribe, now spanning three generations. We have managed to stay close, despite distance, and I have always felt their unfailing support. They are still an anchor, a home, which helps steady me when things get confusing.

Next, and no superlative is up to the task here, a huge thank you to the untold number of people, friends and others, whom I have met in ministry through these 60 years. I was ordained sacramentally by a bishop but have been continually re-ordained by the people in my life. They’ve shown me what priesthood means. The highlights in my priesthood have been hearing the word “thank you” from people with whom I have had the privilege of being with.

Finally, the biggest thank you of all to God. Thank you for calling me. Thank you for the compulsion and the persistence in that call, for knowing what was best for me. Thank you for sustaining me during some difficult, obsessive, and depressive periods in my ministry. Thank you for staying with me all these years.

Indeed, God’s compulsion is our liberation – and pure grace.

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Oblate Father Ron Rolheiser is a theologian, teacher, and award-winning author. 

He can be contacted through his website  www.ronrolheiser.com. He is also on Facebook www.facebook.com/ronrolheiser

Find Fr. Rolheiser’s past columns online, along with an explanation for the column’s title “In Exile”: RonRolheiser.com/ARCHIVE